I've been a bad blogger lately. I'm sorry. Truly.
I've been trying to catch up on things around the house lately, like repainting fireplaces and scrubbing down baseboards.
I have also been completely sucked into the vast world of internet comics. I started with Queen of Wands and got hooked right away. Then of course I had to read the sequel, Punch an' Pie. I realize that I have stepped into a new level of net-nerd here, but truly the comics are awesome... artistic and fun, and good story lines too (with life lessons to boot).
This of course segues into the next thought on my mind (which fits with the "life lesson" going on in Punch an' Pie right now). I am wondering where to go from here. In life.
I have some long-term plans, sure. I'm happy with my life, sure. But I feel like maybe I'm in a bit of a rut. Like maybe I'm not using my time as resourcefully as I could by doing something more meaningful or exciting.
I have to wonder if that is something that everyone wonders at some point or another (or if you're like me, relatively often). I think that maybe housewives have this happen more frequently as well, because even though what we "do" really IS meaningful and really does serve a purpose (an important one), and even though most of us CHOSE the life we have - the fact is that sometimes the days mesh together and hours that used to be spent learning or working or socializing are now spent folding 5 loads of laundry to be put into drawers where they will promptly be taken out, unfolded, dirtied, and shoved back in the laundry pile to begin the cycle again another tired day.
I don't think its a matter of "leaving my mark on the world" or a "midlife crisis" or anything like that (I'm 27!). I just want to make the moments matter. I want to feel like the things I choose to put my heart and my energy into are things that help to fulfill me and bring me happiness. I don't want the days to mesh together anymore.
Don't get me wrong. I do find value in being a housewife. I don't want to give that up or change that. I know that what I do every day matters to my family, sustains them, supports them, and is a physical manifestation of my love for them (and it does the same for me too - I live here after all!). I have been putting more purpose and love into everything that I do around here and I can feel the difference. My home is a place I enjoy being in. Its a place I'm proud to have company in. Its a place I am happy that my children can call theirs. Being a housewife is something I'm proud of and love to do.
Still, in the evenings, when I'm ready to slow down and get settled in, I begin looking back over the day and I feel like I missed something. I feel like maybe there's something I should be doing... something to use my mind or talents that is getting ignored while the busy-ness of life goes on around me, and I just keep folding laundry and missing it.
But I don't know what IT is.
I've considered going back to school, but really it would just be for something to do. Don't get me wrong, an education is an excellent thing, and I do love school, but I would have to take online classes (which would mean no socializing and lots of writing, which I can do, but don't relish in). I could take physical classes in about 18 mos, so if I decided to go that route, I would wait until then at least.
I enjoyed working when I did, and we could use the money, but with summer coming up (with the changes in Abbi's school schedule), and our lack of available childcare, that remains a no.
I'm going to keep thinking on what I could be doing... what could be missing... or if something even is.
Quite the conundrum.
Do you ever feel that way?